Escape to Paradise: The ESSE Hotel Pattaya Awaits
Escape to Paradise: The ESSE Hotel Pattaya Awaits
Escape to Paradise: The ESSE Hotel Pattaya Awaits - A Chaotic Dive In (and out of the Pool)
Okay, folks, let's be brutally honest. Planning a trip can be a royal pain in the… well, you get the idea. You're bombarded with options, promises, and websites that all look the same. But I'm here to tell you, after sifting through the online jungle, Escape to Paradise: The ESSE Hotel Pattaya actually caught my eye. And not just because of the promise of sun-drenched beaches and cocktails (although, let's be real, that did help).
This isn't your sterile, cookie-cutter hotel review. This is the raw, unfiltered truth, sprinkled with a generous helping of my own (potentially unhinged) travel experiences. Buckle up, buttercups. We're going in.
First Impressions (or, My Terrible Sense of Direction):
Finding the ESSE Hotel wasn't exactly a walk in the park. My phone's GPS decided to take a vacation, leading me on a thrilling (and slightly sweaty) detour through the back alleys of Pattaya. But hey, it gave me a chance to soak in the real Pattaya, right? (Spoiler alert: it involved a lot of motorbikes, the smell of delicious street food, and a near-miss with a rogue tuk-tuk. My heart rate? Through the roof.)
Finally, I arrived, sweaty and slightly disoriented. The lobby? Surprisingly chic. Think clean lines, a welcoming vibe, and… was that a hint of sea breeze? Check-in was smooth, praise the travel gods, with a Contactless Check-in/out option. Thank goodness. After my ordeal, I needed a moment to breathe and someone who didn't judge my disheveled state. The front desk staff were surprisingly friendly, and the whole place, with its 24-hour front desk and security, felt safe and secure. Good first impression.
Accessibility & Practicalities (Because, you know, Life Happens):
Now, I'm not mobility-impaired, but I always appreciate a hotel that gets accessibility. The ESSE Hotel advertises that they have Facilities for disabled guests and Elevators. Plus, the car park [free of charge] and [on-site] is amazing (especially after my GPS adventure!). I'll poke my head into that part later.
Internet access? Crucial for the modern traveler (aka, me, glued to Instagram). Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Yes, please! There’s also Internet access – LAN if you need it. Okay, so you can work in your pajamas with a decent connection? Sign me up. And for those of you who need to stay connected, the hotel also offers Wi-Fi in public areas
Rooms: My Tiny Kingdom (and Why I Almost Died of Happiness):
Okay, let's talk about the real deal. My room. It was non-smoking (thank God) and had Air conditioning, and, most importantly, it had Dark Curtains You know what those mean? Sleeping in until noon! The room came equipped with Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens.
The bed? A cloud of pure bliss. I literally face-planted into it and stayed there for a good five minutes, just basking in the luxuriousness. (Okay, maybe it was more like 10.) The slippers and bathrobes were a nice touch, too. I felt like a queen!
The Pool (And My Near Drowning Experience - Not Really But…):
The ESSE Hotel boasts a Swimming pool [outdoor], and it's a… Pool with a View! I spent hours chilling by the pool. The water? Refreshing. The view? Stunning. The cocktails? Dangerous (in the best way possible). I might have overdone it on the poolside margaritas one afternoon. Let's just say, I briefly contemplated attempting a graceful dive and… nearly did the opposite. Thankfully, I’m still here to tell the tale. So, yes, the pool is amazing. But, pace yourself. Learn from my mistakes, people.
Food, Glorious Food! (And My Constant Battle with Temptation):
Alright, foodies, listen up. The ESSE Hotel is a culinary playground.
- Restaurants: The hotel has Restaurants options to choose from.
- Breakfast: Breakfast [buffet] - enough said. With options like Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, prepared to perfection.
- Dining, drinking, and snacking: A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant
- Cleanliness and safety: Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol.
I had a thing for the poolside bar, naturally. The Happy hour was particularly dangerous. The Asian cuisine in the restaurant (specifically, the Pad Thai) was some of the best I've ever had. I may have eaten it three times. (Don't judge me.) And for those late-night cravings? Room service [24-hour] is your best friend. The Coffee shop was great as well.
Relaxation Station (Because I Needed It After My "Almost-Drowning" Incident):
- Things to do, ways to relax: Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool.
This is where the ESSE Hotel truly shines. I definitely spent some time in the gym/fitness. After all that food, I needed to sweat. But the main attraction? The Spa. I got a massage and it was pure, unadulterated bliss. Honestly, the Spa/Sauna, steamroom were the perfect ways to unwind. I also tried a Body scrub and Body wrap, and Foot bath at the spa. You know you've properly relaxed when you wake up the next day and can't remember a single worry.
Cleanliness and Safety (Because, You Know, It Matters):
I'm a bit of a neat freak, and I'm always a little worried about hotel hygiene. But the ESSE Hotel was spotless. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol. The staff clearly take cleanliness seriously. I felt totally safe and secure.
The Practical Stuff (Because Adulting is Hard):
- Services and conveniences: Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center
- For the kids: Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal
- Getting around: Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking
The ESSE Hotel goes the extra mile. The concierge was super helpful with recommendations. (He even warned me about the speed demons on motorbikes – wish I'd listened!). Laundry service, dry cleaning, and ironing services were available, which was great considering how much I managed to sweat through.
The Verdict? (Drumroll, Please…)
The ESSE Hotel Pattaya? It's a winner. It's
Escape to the Coast! Best Gulfport Hotel Near Biloxi Airport
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. This isn't your glossy brochure itinerary. This is my chaotic, beautiful, possibly disastrous, likely hilarious trip to The ESSE Hotel Pattaya, Thailand. Let's see if I survive… mentally, at least.
The ESSE Hotel Pattaya: My Pattaya Pandemonium (A Very Unofficial Itinerary)
Pre-Departure: Existential Dread & Packing Nightmares
- Days Before: Panic sets in. Did I book the right flights? Did I even want to go to Thailand? (Spoiler: Yes, I did. Mostly.) The packing list is a lie. You always bring way too much. I'm picturing myself tripping on a stray flip-flop and breaking an ankle on the first day, leaving me stranded and reliant on interpretive mime for getting anyone's attention. I'm already sweating.
- Night Before: Procrastination achieved new heights. Surfing the "Cats in Thailand" YouTube rabbit hole. Packing the wrong power adapter. Realizing I haven't even thought about sunscreen. This is going to be epic. Or a dumpster fire. Either way, I'm ready. Ish.
Day 1: Arrival & Mild Chaos
Morning (Suvarnabhumi Airport - Bangkok): The flight's a blur of airplane food and desperate attempts to sleep. That pre-flight anxiety? Yeah, it's back. I land, shuffle through immigration with the grace of a newborn giraffe, and finally, the glorious scent of Thailand washes over me. It smells…tropical? Exhausting? A combination of both, probably.
Afternoon (Bangkok - Pattaya): Pre-arranged transfer to The ESSE Hotel. The traffic is insane. The driver is a legend, maneuvering through the chaos with the ease of a seasoned pro. I’m in awe. And slightly terrified. I spend the whole ride trying to figure out street food, but I'm too scared to order anything on my own.
Late Afternoon (The ESSE Hotel Check-In): The lobby is swanky, with a view that makes me catch my breath for a second. Check-in is a success! (Thank god.) The woman at the front desk is so lovely, I immediately envision my time here being amazing. Except….the room. It's gorgeous. But the air conditioning? Feels like a polar vortex. I'm shivering while simultaneously sweating from sheer panic that my vacation is destined to be a hot-cold mess
Evening (Exploring & "The Food Incident.") I brave the streets, armed with nothing but a map and a vague sense of adventure. I find a small street food cart and, after much pointing and gesturing, order something that might have been a fish cake. It was delicious. Too delicious. Let's just say my stomach wasn't thrilled, and I spent a good hour wondering if I'd picked up a rogue bacteria. Lesson learned: Pepto-Bismol is my new best friend.
Night (The Room & Self-Doubt): Crawl back to the room, defeated, but I decide to embrace my inner tourist. The balcony gives me a view that reminds me what I've been missing. But this time, the air conditioning is my best friend. I decide to binge-watch Netflix and question all life choices.
Day 2: Beach Bonanza… & The Beach Chair Saga
- Morning (Beach Bound): The sun is shining! I venture out to the beach, and I swear it’s more beautiful than the pictures.
- Morning/Afternoon (Beach Chair Conquest): This is where things get interesting. Picture me, trying to snag a beach chair. It's a battle. I'm dodging sunbathers like a seasoned pro. Finally, success! Except, it turns out, the sun moves. And I am woefully unprepared for the relentless rays of the Thai sun. I end up shuffling this chair across the sand, like a hermit crab trying to find a decent shell. This is where my tan lines will be born, I thought to myself, as my skin starts to bubble just a little. At least I have something to laugh about.
- Afternoon (Thai Massage of Bliss…then disappointment!): Time for a Thai massage! Pure, unadulterated bliss for the first 30 minutes. Then, the masseuse starts really putting her back into it. I'm pretty sure they're trying to rearrange my internal organs. I'm simultaneously screaming internally and trying to maintain a semblance of composure. It's both the best and weirdest massage of my life.
- Late Afternoon (ESSE Hotel Pool): Jump into the hotel pool. It's refreshing, but I'm still mildly paranoid about the “fish cake incident." I just let the sun kiss my sunburnt skin. Is this paradise? Maybe. Is it also a little ridiculous? Definitely.
- Evening (Exploring Food Again) : I venture out again, this time armed with a translator app and a newfound determination. I manage to order Pad Thai, and it's…exquisite. I spend the rest of the evening happy and slightly buzzed.
Day 3: Temple Time, Monkey Mayhem
- Morning (A Temple Visit): I visit a temple! It's stunning. Intricate carvings, golden statues, the smell of incense. I wander around, trying to absorb the atmosphere and realizing that my brain is fried from all the stimulation. I almost forgot the rule that some temples require you to cover your shoulders. Whoops.
- Afternoon (Monkey Business): A visit to a park, which is home to…a LOT of monkeys. They're cute, but also terrifying. I watch another tourist get his snack stolen. I hold my bag very close. Suddenly, a monkey comes and jumps on me! I start screaming and then laughing and then screaming some more. I run. The Monkey wins. I'm traumatized, but also, it was ridiculously funny.
- Late Afternoon (Relaxation and contemplation): Crawl back to the hotel, shell-shocked, but alive. I sit on the balcony, reflecting on the adventure, the monkeys, the delicious food. Pattaya is wild, and I'm here for it.
Day 4: (More) Food, Shopping, & Unexpected Serenity
- Morning (More Food Adventures): I decide to be more adventurous. I head out to a local market. The sights are amazing, and the smells are a mix of “heavenly” and “what is that?” I managed to survive, I'm improving my eating skills.
- Afternoon (Shopping Fiascos): Trying to navigate the shopping scene. I inevitably get lost in the labyrinthine alleyways of a local market. I buy a shirt that two people now are wearing, but at least I got a good story out of it.
- Late Afternoon (Lost and Found): I find a quiet spot on the beach, or at least a less crowded spot. I sit there, watching the waves. The chaos of Thailand fades away, and there's a moment of pure, unadulterated peace. A perfect way to end my time here.
Day 5: Farewell (and the inevitable packing panic)
- Morning (Final Breakfast & Goodbyes): One last delicious breakfast at the hotel. The staff is incredibly lovely. Last-minute souvenir shopping (mostly of the "I can't believe I forgot to get that" variety). Panic packing commences. I end up cramming everything into my suitcase at the last minute, hoping it'll close.
- Afternoon (Departure): Check out. The driver arrives. The city is loud as ever. I'm sad to be leaving, but already plotting a return trip.
- Evening (Travel Back Home): Reaching my home airport, sleep-deprived, with a suitcase bursting at the seams. I'm exhausted, sunburnt, and slightly richer in experience. Would I do it again? Absolutely. Thailand, The ESSE Hotel Pattaya, I love you. You're beautifully messy. You're chaotic, but you're all heart. And I can't wait to get back.
Okay, so, Pattaya. Seriously? The ESSE Hotel... Why *that* one? Is this some kind of... setup?
Alright, alright, let's get this out of the way. Pattaya. Look, *I* had my reservations. Visions of... well, let's just say I wasn't expecting a spiritual retreat. But you know what? My friend convinced me. He'd been raving about the ESSE Hotel, specifically. Said it was 'surprisingly chill'. And honestly? He wasn't completely wrong. It's like... they took the crazy Pattaya energy and stuck it in a slightly calmer container. Like, imagine a cocktail with a *teeny* bit less tequila. Still potent, but manageable. We went hoping for a good time, ended up with a *great* time, and maybe a minor case of sunburn. And now I’m telling you about it because hey, it was a fun trip!
The Room! Gimme the dirt. Was it actually CLEAN? (I have issues… dust bunnies are my nemesis).
Okay, this is important. I am a clean freak. Seriously. I carry sanitizing wipes. I judged every corner of that room. And you know what? It passed. It wasn't sterilized Surgeon-General-approved, but it was genuinely clean. The air conditioning? Blissful. The bed? Comfortable enough I almost didn't hate being away from home. The bathroom *sparkled*. Honestly, that might be the biggest compliment I can give a hotel room. I’m not sure what they do, but they do it well. Even the towels seemed… newer than expected. Little things matter, and they seemed to have all the little things figured out. Honestly, I'm still slightly suspicious, but in the best possible way.
Breakfast. The *most* important meal. Spill the beans. Was it a buffet? And more importantly, did they have decent coffee?
Oh. My. God. The buffet. Yes, folks, it *was* a buffet. And it was… well, it was buffet-y. Look, buffets are a gamble, right? You never know what you're going to get. But this one? Pretty good. They had the usual suspects – eggs (made-to-order! YES!), bacon (crispy! DOUBLE YES!), pastries (some good, some… trying), fruit (refreshing, thank goodness). But the coffee… the *coffee* was a revelation. Okay, maybe not a full-blown revelation, but it was actually drinkable. Strong. Not that weird, watery, hotel-coffee crap that tastes like sadness. It got my cranky morning self moving. They had the usual stuff. Then there was a noodle station! And, oh, the fresh fruit! I swear, I gained five pounds from just the mangoes. Worth it.
The Pool! Tell me *everything*. Did you actually… swim?
Okay, the pool. This is where things get interesting. It wasn't the biggest pool I've ever seen, but it was… *perfectly* sized for lounging. Enough space to do a few languid strokes before you got tired. And it was clean. Oh, so clean. Crystal clear. The best part? The pool bar. Because, let's be honest, vacation is all about the pool bar. I spent a lot of time there. Maybe *too* much time there. I think I developed a personal relationship with the bartender. He knew my drink order before I even opened my mouth. That's the kind of service I appreciate. And yes, I swam. I swam a lot. I think I turned into a prune. And I don't regret a single minute of it. The only thing missing, and I'm going to complain, is a swim-up bar. I should have brought the inflatable flamingo!
Location, Location, Location! Is it actually *Near* Anything? Or am I stuck in tourist hell?
Ah, the location. Smart move! Yes, the ESSE Hotel is actually in a pretty decent spot. It's not smack-dab in the middle of the craziest part of Pattaya, thank goodness. But it's close enough to walk to a lot of stuff. The beach? A short stroll, maybe a five-minute walk depending on your pace. Restaurants? Loads. Bars? Plenty. Markets? Bargain-basement heaven. I actually got lost once, but it was on purpose! I was trying to find this tiny little restaurant my friend had told me about, I found it, and then the food was incredible. But look, if you're looking for a quiet, secluded getaway, this *might* not be it. You're still in Pattaya. But even that is part of the experience, isn’t it?
Service. The Staff. Were they... actually helpful? Or did they act like they regretted their life choices?
Honestly? The staff were *amazing*. Everyone was so helpful and friendly. They all spoke perfect English (way better than my Thai, that's for sure). From the front desk to the pool staff, they were just… lovely! I’m talking genuinely nice. A genuine smile. Nothing felt forced. I'm a bit of a high-maintenance traveler, I'll admit it. I ask a lot of questions. I needed a cab *every* day (shameful, I know). And they handled it all with grace and charm. I even accidentally locked myself out of my room *twice*. And they still smiled. That's impressive. I think they might have been secretly amused. But hey, good service can really make or break a trip, and at the ESSE Hotel, they nailed it. Seriously... great service.
Any Unexpected Perks or Hidden Gems? Like, a secret rooftop bar?
Okay, okay, this is where it gets good. Secret rooftop bar? Sadly, no. But here’s the deal. They had... okay, it wasn't *hidden*, but it was a very nice little sitting area with the best view over the area. You could go watch the sunrise. Or the sunset. Or the people, whatever. That’s a perk, I think. Other than that, I had two favorite moments, I am going to be honest. The first time was when I realised that the ice cream bar at the hotel was better than most ice cream bars back home. I might have tried every flavor. The second was when the woman at the hotel did my laundry. They did a great job! I mean, it was a small thing, but I honestly hate laundry. What a life saver! Overall, the hotel has a nice little something for everyone.
What was the *worst* part? Be honest. Don't sugarcoat it.
Okay, alright. Honesty time. The *worst* part? Leaving. No, seriously. I didn't want to go home. But seriously, there's always *something*, isn't there? Probably the only real issue I had was getting the hang of theMountain Stay
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